I Alexandra Quispe am now an LMT (Licensed Massage Therapist)!!!!! I love it! You try and try and try so hard and these are the moments you wait almost years to have and feel :) Well lemme tell you its worth every second :) I will shortly be self employed :)I can wait untill i get myself off the ground with this :) ill be in touch <3

I start school tomorrow and it's soooooo nice to be back. I feel like I have a purpose again! I report tomorrow about how It goes night!!!

why am i never enough....

I want to be someones "it girl" i dont wanna be one of two.....i want this crazy ass shit to stop .....im sooo confused and stupid and dumfounded ....why cant i attract guys who arent complicated
.....i never thought my world could be turn upside down like this again...i thought i took the appropriate measures to avoid exactly this situation.....hes great for me in every freakin way ....except for the fact that now she older crush/best friend FINALLY decides to like him RIGHT when things are shaping up for me.....i feel like the kid on the kickball team who ALWAYS get chosen last ....why can't I be someones one and only....because im just not good enough THATS why/......I literally very serious ponder leaving the state......

I have so much to be thankful for...im starting school in january....i have recently gotten my braces off...i have the mos wonderful friends anyone could ever ask for.... ;) .......I guess somtimes when your alone and feel like the world is against your happyness its nice to remember the good things u do have ;)

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh....im SOOOOOOO tired of this.....why can't i just FORGET its all i want but he wont allow closure.....He doesnt even have to like me I don't give a shit I just want to know if we can ever be even remotely civil again EVER ....i began to think "hey maybe since hes going to WAR and everything hell give me 5 minutes of his time to at least tell me he hates me and get it over with but noNONONONONO...im not even worth existence .....i feel all the old wounds starting to open again....i had gotten over him i was FINE and then he came home and all that went to shit....so much for self worth.....i want to dig a whole and hide again......

So  today my car may be traded in which means helloooooo school.....I would LOVE to be back in school...I miss being a student actually....constantly being faced with a challenge...im used to soaking up information on a daily basis and studying till i fall asleep.  

lets just say im really freakin excited!

I sitting here in my bed dazed.

I don't know what to do.

My father has given up on my family. He wants to quit his job. He says he just does not care any more.
My mother can't talk to him and is convinced waiting is the key.
My little brother cannot cope so he finds annoying things to ramble on about.

I however am now figuring out that I may be the solely sane person in my home.
That's if you can call it my home anymore.
I don't know if I can continue living here or if hes just gonna throw me out.
My car is gone that's for sure. It's not paid for. It's not under my name. It's under his.
I'm stuck.

I want to go to sleep but the unexplained is keeping me awake. Meanwhile the only person that can be of some comfort to me is facing trouble himself. His own father has threatened to kick him out if he does not become very friendly with household chores.

I feel alone and trapped. I want to be in charge of me. I'm tired of people making decisions for me...